Responding to Students Involved in Dating Violence
Response to the Victim
If you suspect a student is in a violent relationship, ask him/her about the relationship. Be specific about why you are concerned. If the student chooses to talk with you, listen quietly, without judging. If the student does not want to discuss it with you, encourage him/her to talk with another trusted adult and provide the names of people and organizations that can help. This could be a parent, other relative, friend of the family, clergy member, teacher, school counselor, coach or even the police. A local domestic violence program or the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) can tell you if there is a program or support group in your community.
If the student does open up to you, focus your response on his/her needs and feelings and your concern for his/her well-being. Do not criticize or attack the abusive partner. The student will need to make the actual decision to end the abusive relationship, not you. Ask, “What can I do to help you?” Encourage the student to talk with a counselor who specializes in teen dating violence, and continue to support the student by being caring, open and non-judgmental. Whether the student is ready to leave the abusive partner or not, it is important to encourage him or her to think about ways to stay safe, for example, by making sure friends are around so that he or she is not alone with the partner.
Response to the Abuser
If you suspect that a student is hurting someone in a dating relationship, it is important to talk with the student about your concerns. Before you talk with the student, have specific examples in mind. Listen to what the student has to say, but make it clear that the behavior is unacceptable and must stop. Do not let the student deny or minimize the violence or to make excuses. Help him/her to recognize that violence is not an acceptable way to solve problems. Offer to help him/her to locate community resources that can provide counseling. If the student’s behavior is truly dangerous, you may have to make the difficult decision to report the teen’s violence to law enforcement.